I was conflicted about my mom's innocuous instructions to my younger brother.
Yes, they were heartwarming; it's nice to be pampered--to have my brother bother me just a little bit less, to be welcomed with warm embraces, to be cooked tasty bok choy, to be taken on fun outings.
But the gesture was as sweet as it was thought-provoking.
What does it mean to be a guest in my own house? In my own hometown? Amongst my own family?
Each homecoming feels novel, but I soon settle into old rhythms. Life at college fades away and home materializes on the foreground--just as life at home is tucked away while I'm at school, only to be revived upon my return. I alternate between two unfinished paintings, each close to my heart, but featuring contrasting tones, styles, colors. They are different worlds, almost entirely separate spheres.
In my absence, the paintings evolve. I forget how I left them--but unprecedented changes also emerge, as if countless mysterious hands made adjustments during the interim.
I can claim ownership of neither painting, but they both have left deep imprints on my being. I have felt resonance while immersed in my work on each. I have learned volumes about myself from the process.
So I'll rest here for a spell, as a guest at home--before jetting off once again to put finishing touches on this semester.
When my facebook newsfeed informed me that an old high school classmate had become an independent consultant for Jamberry, a line of cruelty-free, vegan nail wraps, I had to give the post a thumbs up. Progressive beauty and driven people--what's not to like?
I thought nothing more of it until Emily contacted me, asking if I'd like to try a sample of the nail wraps. I heartily agreed, and also promised that I'd review them on my blog.
Unfortunately, I'm an impulsive nail-picker, so my two attempts to test the longevity of the wraps failed miserably. The first time, I resisted a whopping four hours before I peeled them off. The second time, I actually almost made it to three days.
So while I can't give a comprehensive review of Jamberry, I'll divulge what I did discover, and some tips I picked up along the way.
As expected, these nail wraps are not cheap. Jamberry wraps run $15 a sheet (plus $3.99 shipping), with 9 different nail sizes for each hand. In comparison, the Sally Hansen stickers are $7-10 a set. There's definitely a trade-off between cost efficieny and ethics. When it comes to beauty products, I'm personally much more willing to fork over the cash if I know what I'm buying is high quality, natural, and cruelty free--for instance, it definitely hurt to pay $9 for my eyeliner when I know that there are $1 options, but I rest easy knowing that I'm not putting chemicals near my eyes.
For those willing to make the investment, there is also a buy three get one free deal.
Application + Removal: 4.5/5
All I needed was a pair of scissors, nail clipper, and hair dryer. The process for two individual nails was quick--I simply trimmed the sticker down, heated it up with the dryer, stuck 'er on, and trimmed with a nail clipper. I recommend applying the wraps when your nails are slightly longer than you want--the wraps have a much cleaner edge if you can simply snip off the extra wrap with some excess nail.
Removal was no problem--I simply peeled off. The is a more laborious process detailed on the Jamberry site if you want to prevent damage at all costs, but I didn't find the need to undergo it. Luckily, my nails remained just fine.
My only concern was the size of the wraps--often times, they were either too large or too small. I ultimately trimmed the side of the too-large wraps just a sliver to fit, which was just an extra step. Unfortunately, there wasn't a large enough wrap for my thumbnails, so I opted to only apply wraps on my pinky and ring finger.
While the wraps only graced my nails for a few days, I saw little signs of wear before I peeled them off. In those three days, I had worked out (including a swim), showered, and practiced violin multiple times--so these wraps withheld a pretty active lifestyle.
I had hoped to document the wear over a week, but my impulsive picking proved to be an obstacle. Luckily, Heather of Cake and Greenbeans does just what I had hoped and failed to do in her Jamberry review. By day 7, the wrap remains as shiny as ever, though hints of wear have appeared at the tip.
I found these wraps to be pretty durable for the few days that I kept them on, and had almost no complaints about the application and removal process. While they are pricey, they are more ethical than most other beauty products, and their shine survives even the most active of lifestyles.
If you want more info, feel free to browse the Jamberry site or take a gander at more reviews!
I'm far from a light packer--last Thanksgiving break, I lugged home a massive suitcase, overstuffed backpack, cumbersome schoolbag, and violin.
Break was only one week, but I wanted to be certain that I'd have everything I needed. I planned each outfit down to the occasion, and drafted to-do lists for each day.
All of this was excessive. I quickly learned that I needed much less than I expected, after wearing only a small fraction of what I'd packed.
So when my school's orchestra went on tour in NYC over Halloween weekend, I was determined to pack as efficiently as possible. I vowed to maximize even my black concert dress--and so this minimalistic travel look resulted.
Sweater, Rosegal | Skirt, China | Shoes, Amazon (a sad DIY spray paint attempt) | Bow, China
It was a Sunday, I was a child, and I was sitting in a cardboard box in my living room.
The box was actually quite comfortable and as roomy as cardboard boxes get--I considered it my own little space, furnishing it with blankets and pillows, decorating the outsides with colorful swipes of a marker. I often retreated there to rest, or to waltz with my runaway imagination.
But today was different. For some reason or another, my family had elected to stay home from church. I was appalled--so I scampered to the bookshelf, plucked my red, well-loved children's Bible from the shelf, and plopped down in my box to read.
When I was younger, we rarely missed church. The seldom occasions we did, I considered it my solemn duty to make up for this transgression by studying the Word on my own. My guilt was a puddle, and I soaked it up by soaking up Bible verses.
Flash forward. I'm a sophomore in college. I can count the number of times I've been to church and Bible study this semester on one hand--to be exact, two fingers.
I'm not sure what compelled me to be so devout as a child--was it true devotion to my faith, or was it my desire for routine and order? Maybe it was both.
But it is this same drive to control my life that keeps me from church as a young adult. I want to stay on top of my work, so I stay home and do it. As a junior in high school, Sunday mornings meant practice SATs. As a senior, college apps. As a college student, problem sets and papers and readings.
I still feel guilty. They say, put God first, and the rest will follow. But I know my work won't do itself. They say, live in a way that glorifies God. But how can I glorify God if I shirk my responsibilities as a student? They say, you have time for what you make time for. But that's only true to a certain extent before you have to sacrifice sleep.
But maybe, deep down inside, I don't want to make time for church because I haven't resonated deeply with the sermons in a long time. I find it all too easy for my restless mind to wander as the preacher speaks. Or in Bible studies, as we pick passages apart, I begin to question every little detail, and feel even more lost. I can't deny that I take issue with some beliefs of the most active Christian group on campus, and even some of the laws set forth in the Bible itself.
I feel lost, so I explore on my own. Last year, I began journaling each night, writing letters to God, since I found it too easy for thoughts to fly away in traditional prayer. Then, I began reading a passage of the Bible each day, to try to grasp the holy word of a faith that I still call mine. I've found my personal reflection time effective and resonant, but I still wonder: do I write and read out of routine, or am I compelled by a deeper force?
Does failing to attend sermons and Bible studies make someone a bad Christian? Does not praying before meals despite thanking God throughout the day make a believer irreverent? Does questiong some aspects of the Bible, particularly the verses on homosexuality and attitudes towards women, make me sacrilegious?
I don't know. But I do know that I'm tired of feeling guilty. I'm tired of feeling like a bad Christian. I have no resolution for the moment, only the determination to live a pure life--in tune with myself, my surroundings, and the big guy up there.