Whew, I just realized that I'm super backed up on outfit posts! This girl best get busy typing and editing away haha.
I just got back from a couple of East-coast college visits and have plenty of photos to share in the next few days. This outfit was actually back a few weeks, on the day of graduation. I figured I had a good couple hours to take a few quick outfit shots, so I dragged my brother outside to shoot this trendy look. This wasn't actually what I wore to play with the orchestra at graduation--I ended up changing into something dressier, but I remember wearing this for a sports dress-up day.
It was rather sad seeing all the seniors graduate. It doesn't really hit you that you're next until your seniors are gone. I remember reading one of my friends' Facebook statuses that was something along the lines of "Crap. All my friends graduated" and I laughed a little because I felt exactly the same. They're off and running, out in the real world (or at least more real haha). I wonder if they'll have time for me, a crazy high school child. I wonder if we'll drift, just as I have with so many others.
I really hope I'm not the only one who has trouble holding on to friends for a long time. It just seems that if one moves away, our lives are no longer connected; our rivers have forked. Or sometimes you grow close to people in a short time, like at a camp or summer class. You promise to stay in touch, but as the once-vivid memories begin to fade, so do those promises.
I'm a strong believer in fate, another name for what I call God's plan. Perhaps those friends were only meant to be part of your life for a short while. And for those that were meant to stay, you'll both reach out to each other. It all comes down to that.
Necklace, c/o eFoxcity// lace top, c/o Chicnova// skirt, Wet Seal ($8)// cardigan, thrifted H&M ($4)// flats, Target ($5)I suppose I've felt slightly unsettled lately.
Maybe it’s those driver’s ed videos—those gory things were constant reminders that nothing is guaranteed—and that our lives can change in a split second. I’ve always had the feeling that I wasn’t meant to live to see old age. What if my sole purpose in life is to be a reminder to people, in some tragic accident like those in the videos, that life is precious? What if I’m just another example? It’s a hauntingly romantic but rather unsettling concept. I don’t want to leave my mark on this world because I died; I want to be remembered because I lived.
Of course, as soon as I say this, I’ll end up living until I’m 100 or something—but I wouldn’t mind being wrong in this case. There are so many things I have yet to experience. My wanderlust, my idealism, my hopeless romantic tendencies—they have created an infinite list of seemingly impossible and frivolous dreams.
I usually hesitate to share such deeply personal writing, but there’s something intrinsically beautiful about baring your soul to the merciless world; there’s something attractively fearless about allowing yourself to be so vulnerable. I’m writing because there's so much I want to do with my life that I haven't yet—and if you share your aspirations, you're held much more accountable for them.
I want to explore this vast world. Not just just the standard tourist fare either. I want to hike the Inca trail. I want to stroll through the breathtaking gardens of Stourhead. I want to see the sky lantern festival in Taiwan. I want to volunteer in Haiti. I want to experience a concert at Royal Albert hall during the BBC Proms.
I want to do things. I want to run a marathon. I want to learn how to ride a unicycle. I want to skydive. I want to waltz at a Renaissance-style ball. I want to fall in love, which is totally different from loving someone. I want to learn my own culture's language fluently enough to take care of myself in China. I want to publish my personal writing. I used to be painfully shy. I used to hate running and care less about fashion. I used to care so much about what others thought of me. I want other people to know that they're not the only ones struggling every day to discover their identity.
I want to live a life that if I died any moment, I would be okay, because I knew I lived as much as I could. College apps are soon approaching, and I want to write essays that I'm proud of. I want to be accepted by a school that is the best fit for me, not necessarily one with a big name. I want to study something I'm passionate about. I want to find a career that I can be excited to do each day.
And as much as I joke about becoming a cat lady, maybe I want to get married. There are so many things that I promised myself I would never do, but now I love doing them. I promised myself that I wouldn't like roller coasters; I now love the thrill of flying at high speeds through crazy loops and over intimidating hills. I said I would never run the two-mile; it's now my main event and favorite race in track. I told myself I would never audition for my city's youth orchestra; I just got a packet in the mail saying I was accepted. But seriously. What girl doesn't want her own little fairytale? I'm not saying it's perfect; no, of course it never is. But what girl doesn't want a guy who can make her laugh? Who can make her feel better when she's feeling down? Who will listen to her deepest thoughts? Who will put up with her little quirks? Who will be her best friend?
I heard a line once that said "Love is friendship on fire" and I've always strongly resonated with that. The cutest couples are those who are best friends. That, I believe is the difference between love and infatuation—genuine, strong bonds make all the difference.
I not only want to live; I'm going to live.
I suppose I should explain my outfit a little haha. It's a look that I feel belongs in the city, and as Sara Bareille's new CD is coming out soon, I named this post after one of her soon-to-be-released songs. I've noticed that my looks have been trendier than usual, but experimenting with all sorts of looks is how we discover what we like best. We're young. We're still trying to figure out who we are. And that's the beauty of it, because we can be whoever we want.
I actually wrote a few personal philosophy papers a few months back for AP Lang, and one of them covers this relentless search for identity. I was super excited when I checked my email yesterday because I found out that all three of my essays were published on thisibelieve.org! If you're in to this sort of deep stuff and want to read more of my ramblings, I'd love it if you'd check them out.
This one's about identity here: http://thisibelieve.org/essay/135956/
This one's about kind strangers here: http://thisibelieve.org/essay/135957/
And this one's about one of my quirks here: http://thisibelieve.org/essay/135958/
Have a beautiful day, lovelies. And if you made it through my entire post, thank you. It's always nice to know someone is listening.