Just the second ol' batch of senior photos. Prepare for an onslaught of photos haha--these were my favorites.
I've felt like a rapid-speed machine ever since I returned from camp. I miss the days when my calendar was empty, before jolting schedule reminders replaced my usually-silent phone. Before menacing yellow squares indicating a packed schedule replaced the white ones indicating a day to do whatever I pleased, on whatever whim.
As much as my teammates and I complained about the straitjacket showers, less-than-appetizing food, two-a-day runs, and cramped, musty cabins, I long for the serene grassy hills, the warm rays of sun, the stretching cornfields, the winding country roads, the long distance runs, the star-dotted sky, the quaint little haven encircled by the tranquil woods.
Oh, I miss cross country camp.
Before I jump into another little tale, I'd like to acknowledge all your kind words on my previous few posts. I hope I haven't sounded like a blubbering, wistful mess. As strong as the pressure to appear perfect is in today's society, I like to treat this blog as a place where I can bare my soul and show others that they are not alone. And perhaps you yourself can pick little tidbits of wisdom up from my ramblings. If I have influenced just one person in a positive way, my heart is content.
If all goes well, I'll be able to talk it out with him tomorrow. To catch up. To fully understand each other. To salvage and rebuild our friendship.
It's always uncanny when you stumble upon song lyrics or little sayings that suit your situation flawlessly. I named this post after a pretty song by Corinne Bailey Rae because every time I feel a little down, I turn to music to perk my mood up. And today at an Asian buffet, I knew my fortune cookie was not a coincidence.
It said, "The stars appear every night in the sky. All is well."
I developed a penchant for the heavens after reading his essays about the wonders of the sky, after his many texts prompting me to take a look at the gorgeous moon on its brilliant nights. The words left a bittersweet taste in my mouth; perhaps when you fall for someone that hard, certain things will always bring back a wave of numbness.
But enough of that.
The sky is a magical place. I've become intrigued by it, even though I tend to have a strong distaste for all things infinite. The idea of a never-ending universe makes me shiver, I shy away from astronomical science (black holes and the idea of a perpetual free fall through space make me grimace), and though as a child, the “TV Scenario,” a figment of my imagination, may have intrigued me, it also made my mind want to explode. What would happen if you were watching TV and on TV it showed a person watching TV and that TV showed another person watching TV and then another watching TV…and so on? Or what if you were an actor auditioning for a role and the audition scene was an actor auditioning for a role and that scene was an actor auditioning for a role…and so on? Infinity may never end, but my patience definitely does.
A passive account simply cannot do those beautiful moments justice. Here, I'll attempt to bring it life and relive it through a narrative.
The flicker of the dancing flames radiates warmth as I inhale the cool summer air. Entranced, I am in another world, barely hearing the incessant chatter of my teammates and the deep boom of the blasting dance music complemented by flashing lights in my peripheral vision. I sigh and glance in the direction the dining hall-turned crowded dance floor. It was never really my scene.
I focus my attention once again on the bonfire; my eyes follow the fierce blaze to the feathery flames, then I finally gaze up towards the sky as the golden sparks retreat into the darkness.
I pause abruptly.
The milky sky is like a black canvas and various midnight shades left at the disposal of an impressionist artist--Van Gogh, perhaps. Countless white orbs dot the darkness like tiny lanterns. Captivated, I wander towards an empty bench and lie down, soaking in the cathartic sparkle of the beautiful scene.
I call over to my teammates. "Hey, guys, look at the stars!" I gesture towards the heavens, "They're gorgeous--I can't believe I didn't bother to look until today."
One particular teammate expresses a similar fascination. "Oh my gosh, it's beautiful."
After hurrying back to the cabin to grab a towel and muse under the stars, we decide to take a gander at the dance scene. As soon as I step into the packed, uncomfortably warm room, I wince. The flashing colorful lights make my head spin; I feel oddly out of place--I'm on the outside looking in at the sea of gyrating bodies.
"Candace, I'm going to have a seizure or something!"
So we retreat back to our dome-like world surrounded by the dark outlines of tall trees. I rest my head on the towel, feeling the cool grass beneath my fingertips as I drink from the Big Dipper, wave at the Twins, allowing the starry sky to liberate my soul.
A streak of white flashes in the corner of my left eye.
"Candace, did you just see that?! Was that a shooting star?"
I sense her confirmation before she nods eagerly.
"Ahh, we just saw a shooting star!" I erupt into a fit of giggles, kicking my legs.
Our twinkling silvery friends seemed to multiply with each glance. The crackling fire warmed my body, but the shimmering jewels of the sky warmed my soul. I sat up once again to observe the fiery embers.
I felt the most peaceful I had been for quite awhile. Surrounded by a light musty odor of smoke, teammates who should be called sisters, the majestic midnight sky, and the radiant stars, I watched the dying fire's scarlet sparks float away. Some were swallowed by the night in an instant. But others, from beautiful crimson to golden hues, pursued the sky, venturing towards their brilliant sisters before finally fading into darkness.