Blazer, Marshall's//Top, thifted//Shorts, Kohl's//Boots, Mom's//Necklace,Target//Sunglasses, c/o Firmoo ($39)
There's a fine line between being realistic and being negative. If you say that you don't think you'll win an election because people have voted for the funniest candidate--not the most qualified one--in past elections, is it negative or simply honest? To evaluate a goal and decide that it's too far-reaching--is it a gloomy attitude or a realistic one? To predict an unsavory outcome based on intuition and previous performance--is that pessimistic or candid?
Just a few things I've been pondering these past few days as I wait in agony for college decisions. It's exciting to be greeted by green check marks as I submit my final applications. Now, on to scholarships! (Speaking of scholarships...many scholarship deadlines didn't let me apply in the order of how much I liked each school, which is rather upsetting). I'll have to be vague about college details until I make my final decision on May 1st; I don't want any of my colleges to be offended they decide to take a peep at my blog and see that I've talked about some colleges more than others. While I will inevitably have favorites, I believe that I could be happy at all the schools I've applied to.
But back to all that long white beard philosophy stuff. I've been struggling with this lately--the fine line between being pessimistic and realistic. It's extremely similar to the one between being optimistic and delusional. I'd like to be positive and think that I'll be accepted to very selective schools, but some of my earlier applications weren't nearly as polished as I would've liked them to be. As you go through the application process, you gain experience, discover new things, and streamline/reorganize details. There are so many uncertanties to this process now.
But I guess that's what dreams are for--they're not dreams at all if they're certain to happen! It's definitely being negative if you go into chasing a goal with the attitude that you'll fall short. Thinking that way lets you be lazy. It allows you to be more emotionally detached. But if you're emotionally detached, you don't try as hard. It's a toxic sort of safety--if you fall short it's no big deal since you didn't try. But you'll never get anywhere that way!
It's a certain type of vulnerability to immerse yourself in your ambitions, to throw it all on the line, even if you may fail. To acknowledge that you tried your hardest, even if you do fall short. It's tough to let go of your pride. It's tough to be vulnerable. It's tough to leave the comforts of safety for uncertain opportunity. But it's so worth it in the end.
I'm most worried about disappointing my family--there's that whole Chinese bringing honor to your family thing. I hate letting people down. But this college search shouldn't be about prestige--while it matters in the real world, searching for a school should really be about best fit, about finding a place where you'll grow and thrive. It's a two way deal--both the applicant and the school are looking for a best fit. I've done everything I can, and now, it's all out of my hands. I think this quote says it nicely: What lies behind us and what lies before us are small matters compared to what lies within us (Ralph Waldo Emerson). I'll be okay, no matter what happens.
On a lighter note, if you noticed something different about my photos, it's because I recently purchased a 50mm lens! I'm loving it so far and can't wait to head out for more photos--even in this crazy cold. I've even been asked to so some of my friends' senior pictures!
Oh, and if my outfit looks familiar, it's because it's a winter version of this one. I meant to do a "How to Transition from Summer to Fall" post but college apps took precedence. I will be rambling on about college for awhile, so I apologize in advance. It's kind of taken over every high school senior's life and we occassionally go into histrionics.
Also, Firmoo sent me a lovely pair of prescription sunglasses to review, and I couldn't help but use a pun for my post title; the first thing my brother told me when I put them on was "you look like a spy." So if you want to look like a spy too (or a secret Asian haha), check the site out! They have tons of afforable frames and even a first pair free program.
Finally, please enjoy this wonderful video that I deem relevant due to my punny post title. Nothing like a little comedy to lift your spirits. Have a beautiful week!