Dress, H&M ($5)// Shoes, China ($7)// Necklace, Macy's ($5)// Glasses, prescription Ray Ban
"Augh! This is the hardest decision I've ever had to make!" The sound of beeping watches complemented my distraught complaint as my teammates and I began our last summer run.
I was vaguely aware of how ironic--or simply histrionic--my lamenting was. It was a simple schedule conflict, but logic and emotions clashed violently inside of me.
I wanted to take AP English Literature, AP French Language, and AP Physics this year. Problem number one. It turned out that these three classes were all offered in the same two periods. Something had to go.
I solicited the experience of graduated seniors. I explained my worries to my cross country teammates. I emailed my counselor long-winded paragraphs. I pondered my options with my parents. I even called my former chemistry teacher for his advice!
I finally decided to drop AP French and try it flex credit or perhaps second semester post-secondary. I was leaning towards becoming a lawyer, or perhaps an engineer like my parents had always wanted. French was the least of the evils.
But something nagged me. I couldn't do it. I couldn't drop the class I loved so dearly. So I emailed my counselor and met with her a second time. I want to take French...put me in regular Physics! I told her ardently.
I had to come to terms with the fact that I don't want to be and can't be what my parents have always wanted. The hard sciences, while I can do well in them, frustrate me rather than invoke a thirst, an excitement to learn.
I hadn't taken a regular class since Freshman year--and that was only because an honors class wasn't offered for Global History. But I dashed forward, full speed ahead.
But something bothered me again. I wanted to attempt to take Physics C post-secondary second semester. But then I recalled the rather unsuccessful physics labs Freshman year in Physical Science. And my high school offered so many AP science courses. Why not take advantage of at least one?
Take three. I emailed my counselor once more--the subject line? Schedule Change #5021. I'm probably wearing your patience thin, and I definitely don't blame you, but I'd like to take AP Chemistry instead. I typed feverishly.
There were plenty of logical reasons. Many colleges don't even grant Physics B credit for a high school on the AP exam. The score distribution for 4s and 5s on the AP Chem exam was higher last year than on the AP Physics B exam. I couldn't possibly manage the stress of driving half an hour to campus and back in the middle of the day on top of my already-hectic schedule. A few of the colleges I'm interested in have foreign language requirements--French definitely needed to be in.
Then there were the flowery, feathery, emotion-based reasons: I don't really enjoy science as much as I enjoy the humanities. I've always wanted to become fluent in French (hey, who doesn't want that awesome accent?) I love small classes, and French would only have eight people. I've always yearned to travel the world, perhaps volunteer in Haiti and sample pastries in the bustling streets of Paris, and French would definitely help.
So I jumped right back into my final year of high school. Six classes--five AP and one orchestra. It seemed like we had never left school. Tests and quizzes already loomed ominously in the first week. I visited my old chemistry teacher to break the news about my schedule to him.
"Hey, I came to find you to tell you that I'm not taking AP Physics anymore--I'm doing AP Chem instead," I told him somewhat sheepishly.
"So you've come to confess your sins, huh?"
I laughed. But I believe that if I am happy, if I enjoy my classes and what I'm learning, then everything is just right. And so far, it is.
It's been a crazy week already, friends. I feel like from sun up to past sun down, it's just go, go, go! I have outfits and more interesting stories in store for you soon, but I wanted to quickly update about school and post some photos from my in-state college visit to Case Western.
I went into the visit expecting not to like it. After all, it was in-state and in an urban environment. But I felt rather comfortable there and was happy to meet up with a friend who graduated two years ago. It's definitely a viable option. But I keep reminding myself that me picking a school is only half the battle--they have to pick me back! For some reason though, I want a school that scares me a little. As dearly as I hold on to the past, I want plunge into the uncertainty of a new environment, a school hundreds of miles away, a new life. We'll see how all this turns out--it's terrifying, but I'm ready to scream at the top of my lungs, exhilarated at the countless prospects and the final decision. Can I please just fast forward nine months?
A few housekeeping details--I will reply to comments as soon as I find a little down time. You never fail to make me smile, lovelies. I strive to reciprocate the warmth I feel from reading your little notes. Also, I failed to mention that I revived the ol' facebook page about a month ago. Like away if you'd like to see updates about posts! And finally--I added a new section for blog buttons. If you'd like to swap, just give me a holla!
Have a beautiful week.