Remix and Reality

Left: Top, Burlington Coat Factory | Cardigan, Macy's | Leggings, Burlington | Boots, Burlington 
Right: Sweater, Target | Boots, Old Navy | Bag, c/o Sammydress ($19) |Necklace, Maxnina | Hair bow, Rire Boutique

The bag in these photos was sponsored by Sammydress, but all opinions are my own. I find the color cognac truly versatile, and this brown bag is no exception. While the strap is too short to be a cross-body bag, it still makes for a chic shoulder bag with ample room. At $18.78, the bag is a quality steal--I love the luxe glossy sheen. Be sure to check Sammydress out--as an Asian wholesale retailer, they have a huge selection of trendy, affordable items.

Detachment.

It best describes my state of mind lately. I feel like I've been floating, observing life from the outside. It's so surreal.

A boy in my grade passed away earlier this week. I had only talked to him once, before the ACT, but I remember that he was an engaging conversationalist with a genunine smile. He had the rare charisma that brightened each person's day. He wore cowboy boots to school, not caring that they made him stand out. 

He committed suicide.

The announcement at school was so unnerving. Many of my classmates had just seen him a couple days ago at our winter formal dance. What a harsh jolt to reality. Only three more months, and he would've graduated. Then began college. Then entered the real world. 

He was an only child. And I can still hear the mournful cries of his faithful dog at his candlelight vigil.

I didn't know him well, so I decided it would be flippant to attend his funeral. I feel guilty even writing about it in this post, but I mean for this blog to encompass my entire life, the frivolous and the profound, and this tragedy has forced me to come to terms with reality.

It's another painful reminder that life is so precious. It's another reminder to grasp each opportunity before it disappears. It's another reminder to acknowledge how much your loved ones mean to you. It's another reminder to renounce going through the motions and just live.

I've decided to take a month and a half blogging hiatus from March 5th to April 17th, coinciding with Lent, the bulk of track season, and college decision time. Social media has been making me feel funny lately, and this event only encourages me to step away from the computer screen. More details will follow in the next post.

Life hasn't been all lugubrious lately though. It's heartbreaking news one day, happy the next. I'll have to be vague until April, but there's life for ya. 

Anyways, these thoughts are for all those who are struggling. Who fiercely try to search for light in darkness, but come up empty-handed. For the people whose lives appear flawless on the outside, but face complete internal turmoil. For the people who question their worth and purpose. For the little boats looking for a harbor (reference to Death of a Salesman, Arthur Miller). 

There is light. There is hope. There is purpose. There is a somewhere you belong. Keeping looking. Stay strong.

I'll leave you with this quote. It's getting late, so I'll reply to comments tomorrow. I hope you know that I love you guys and cherish the friendships I've formed via blogging. I care about each and every one of you, and if you ever need anything or just want to chat, don't hesitate to shoot me an email.

"Death leaves a memory no one can heal, but love leaves a memory no one can steal." --an Irish epitaph
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20 comments

  1. Oh my gosh, that is heartbreaking Lily. That must be so hard for your entire school to deal with. That's a beautiful quote you have, and I completely agree that I care about everyone in this blogging community and am always here if you want to talk.

    On a lighter note, you look gorgeous! I love those pants, how fun with the pattern! Also love that bag, very cute! And I love that Sara Barelleis song, it's so inspiring!

    Francesca

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  2. Wow.. Such a beautiful text..
    I love your outfit<3

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  3. That's terrible!!! I am so sorry for this.

    You look very cute in this outfit by the way! X

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  4. it's so sad when young people decide to go. and I often think how mean can some people be with some of their classmates, whoever actually. lately I have heard about several suicides here in Estonia, all have been young boys. I didn't know them but it's still awful to think that maybe some of their classmates or so called friends caused it somehow with their mean words.
    anyway, on a brighter note, the brown shade of your bag is beautiful and those booties with lace.. well, I almost screamed when I saw those. they're just perfect! and those bright and sunny looks are lovely too. people can say how great their black and grey ensembles are but colourful outfits are still the best and nothing can change that!
    by the way, I sent you an e-mail as well :)

    Maiken,
    Maikeni blogi - part of me

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  5. Oh, that's terrible news. It's only been 4 years since I've been in high school, but we've already lost 3 people in our senior class---as a friend pointed out in a rather macabre way the other day, "the senior class is only going to get smaller." I'm so glad that you included encouragement in your post for others who are struggling; there was a time in my life where any kind words made a bigger difference than their speakers could have guessed by preventing me from self-harm. I'll definitely be waiting for you when you come back from the hiatus.

    Brittney

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  6. Oh it is so sad to hear about your classmate! We are so disconnected from death in this present day and age that hearing about anyone who was relatively close to us (and close to our age) passing away is truly difficult to cope with. One of my classmates from high school, a really sweet guy who was always full of wonderful ideas and thoughts and ready with a smile, died last summer when he drowned at a local beach. You can imagine our shock when everyone from my year tried to comprehend that someone we knew so well and accepted as being part of our lives was suddenly gone... But it also makes us appreciate what we have and remember that it is fleeting! I am proud of you for taking a break from social media for Lent, that's a great decision. I find that being saturated in it can be disorientating and even influence you to want things you certainly don't need, or be someone you never wanted to be!

    All those things aside, I lovee your floral pants! You pair them so wonderfully with mint, and that Sammydress bag is just lovely-- great find! I love your peter pan collars in both of your outfits, you are the cutest girly girl ever!

    xx Debbie

    www.whatdoffydoes.com

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  7. I don't even know what I can concerning that tragedy. It makes me incredibly sad to read that someone so vibrant and full of life would bring death to himself. Suicide is a scary thing and can definitely make a person rethink things.
    Your social media withdrawal is a good idea though, and I admire it. I'm half tempted to try something similar just so I can do a social network cleanse. As a blogger, it certainly can consume a lot of our time!
    Anyway, sending lots of cyber hugs and love your way <3

    The Dragonfruit Diaries

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  8. Fun pants!

    http://initialed.blogspot.com

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  9. Ah, oh no, Lily... what a terrible occurrence. I'm so sorry to hear that this has happened to your classmate. That's absolutely heartbreaking that so soon to graduating and having the potential to start things over fresh that someone would take their life. I really do hope he is in a better place now. This was such a tenderly written post, and you are right that everyone does have a place in the world and is here for a reason. <3

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  10. I will first want to offer my thoughts and prayers to the fellow who committed suicide. In my past, a girl in my High School years killed herself. So I know what it is like when part of your possible graduating class won't see graduation because of suicide.

    Now for MUCH lighter commentary. While not really into lace-ups, I do think those lace-up booties are very charming on you for the first outfit. The ice blue sweater outfit is very nice along with the riding boots. Sweet style with both outfits.

    johnbmarine.blogspot.com

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  11. I love both creeative styling ideas, looks brilliant.

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  12. Experiencing death -especially of someone so young- is traumatic and life changing. It is important that you take this time to reflect and reexamine…

    As for your hiatus- take the time and enjoy! I took a long hiatus (5 months!) and now that I am back at blogging I am loving it more than before…

    ~Alexis Grace of North On Harper

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  13. wow hun, I'm sorry such a terrible thing happened to you and your school. And that sentence doesn't even do its justice to describe what's going on or how I feel on that subject. I know it's a hard time.

    I do understand the decision to take a break, Sometimes a break is MORE than needed. Just for the sake of peace, I guess is the phrase to best describe it. You're more than deserving of that. I will miss your posts and encouragement though !

    P.S. this is such a pretty silhouette and genius styling (:

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  14. Hi Lily, so sorry to hear about your classmate that passed away. I've felt with loss and it's hard. But honestly I know this sounds cheesy but time heal all wounds trust me. Love those boots by the way!

    Also, I wanted to let you know I've nominated you for a Liebster Blog Award. You can get the details in this post on my blog, http://happyleaps.blogspot.ca/2014/02/liebster-blog-award.html?m=1

    You don't have to participate if you don't want to, but I just wanted you to know that I love your blog!

    Love Rhiannon

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  15. Sounds so sad, such a heart-rending event! We can only guess what made him ещ commit suicide, but I don't think it was something unsolvable. I also belive that there is light and hope even in the darkest night, we should be patient and strong. oh, I hope his family will cope with it somehow, I'm so sorry for his parents!!!
    Life is too short, indeed. Take care, dear Lily! Wish you all the best)

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  16. i have a classmate who was passed away too, but he died because of electric shock. it's a sad time. we will feel something left out of our chest eventhough we doesn't really connect with them before. but somehow i think that's why i must treasure my life more :)
    just stop by, have a nice day.

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