50 Days

A few highlights of the last two months

To be honest, the social media fast was surprisingly easy. It made me realize that nothing really is indispensable, that we are far from dependent on things we think we can't live without.

I took an extended hiatus because I actually enjoyed my time away. Sure, I yearned every now and then to check in, but it was overall quite pleasant. Once I realized how unnecessary and superficial a lot of social media was, I was reluctant to go back. I decided to go for 50 days to round out the number, and when that 50 days was up, anxiety overtook me as I stared at my first social media login screen. 

I had plugged in all my instagram login info, but couldn't bring myself to hit the blue login button. I almost had a friend do it for me, but curiosity at everything I missed and pride got the best of me. With a tentative touch, I was back. And right away, I questioned myself.

Social media can be a beautiful thing with all its networking powers, but its dark side leaves me feeling empty. On my first day back, I noticed that I wasn't as present, that I wasn't as happy, that my newly-established harmony had been overturned. As humans, we are intrinsically thirsty for attention and social media exploits that.

It's a constant struggle to restrain the temperamental beast, and even after something as cleansing as 50 days away, I'm still searching for balance. I've more or less decided that I have way too many platforms. I may abandon some altogether. But of course blogging will always have a special place in my heart as a creative outlet and relationship-builder.

I must apologize for my lack of presence on the blogs of all the wonderful friends I've made throughout the years. I've been a silent content absorber lately, and it may have to stay that way until after graduation. I'm so excited at all your new happenings, and can't wait to happily converse with you all when I finally return to dedicated blogging. 

I may feel rather ambivalent about everything now, but it's undeniable that the past two months have been a perspective changer. I spoke French with an African woman from Cameroon on my flight. I played in my last youth orchestra concert. I read for leisure. I visited colleges around the country. I went to prom. There are so many stories to tell and not enough time to contemplate, to form coherent thoughts. But I'll try. I'll be popping up every now and then until June with random ramblings just to expel the pressure of bubbling emotions. 

It's a mad dash on the final stretch, and conditions are far from ideal. I'm sweaty, exhausted, gasping for air. But I am determined, and have much more left within me than I can ever fathom.

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