June 13, 2013


        Whew, I just realized that I'm super backed up on outfit posts! This girl best get busy typing and editing away haha. 
        I just got back from a couple of East-coast college visits and have plenty of photos to share in the next few days. This outfit was actually back a few weeks, on the day of graduation. I figured I had a good couple hours to take a few quick outfit shots, so I dragged my brother outside to shoot this trendy look. This wasn't actually what I wore to play with the orchestra at graduation--I ended up changing into something dressier, but I remember wearing this for a sports dress-up day. 
        It was rather sad seeing all the seniors graduate. It doesn't really hit you that you're next until your seniors are gone. I remember reading one of my friends' Facebook statuses that was something along the lines of "Crap. All my friends graduated" and I laughed a little because I felt exactly the same. They're off and running, out in the real world (or at least more real haha). I wonder if they'll have time for me, a crazy high school child. I wonder if we'll drift, just as I have with so many others. 
        I really hope I'm not the only one who has trouble holding on to friends for a long time. It just seems that if one moves away, our lives are no longer connected; our rivers have forked. Or sometimes you grow close to people in a short time, like at a camp or summer class. You promise to stay in touch, but as the once-vivid memories begin to fade, so do those promises. 
        I'm a strong believer in fate, another name for what I call God's plan. Perhaps those friends were only meant to be part of your life for a short while. And for those that were meant to stay, you'll both reach out to each other. It all comes down to that. 

Necklace, c/o eFoxcity// lace top, c/o Chicnova// skirt, Wet Seal ($8)// cardigan, thrifted H&M ($4)// flats, Target ($5)
        I suppose I've felt slightly unsettled lately.
        Maybe it’s those driver’s ed videos—those gory things were constant reminders that nothing is guaranteed—and that our lives can change in a split second. I’ve always had the feeling that I wasn’t meant to live to see old age. What if my sole purpose in life is to be a reminder to people, in some tragic accident like those in the videos, that life is precious? What if I’m just another example? It’s a hauntingly romantic but rather unsettling concept. I don’t want to leave my mark on this world because I died; I want to be remembered because I lived.
        Of course, as soon as I say this, I’ll end up living until I’m 100 or something—but I wouldn’t mind being wrong in this case. There are so many things I have yet to experience. My wanderlust, my idealism, my hopeless romantic tendencies—they have created an infinite list of seemingly impossible and frivolous dreams. 
        I usually hesitate to share such deeply personal writing, but there’s something intrinsically beautiful about baring your soul to the merciless world; there’s something attractively fearless about allowing yourself to be so vulnerable. I’m writing because there's so much I want to do with my life that I haven't yet—and if you share your aspirations, you're held much more accountable for them.
        I want to explore this vast world. Not just just the standard tourist fare either. I want to hike the Inca trail. I want to stroll through the breathtaking gardens of Stourhead. I want to see the sky lantern festival in Taiwan. I want to volunteer in Haiti. I want to experience a concert at Royal Albert hall during the BBC Proms. 
        I want to do things. I want to run a marathon. I want to learn how to ride a unicycle. I want to skydive. I want to waltz at a Renaissance-style ball. I want to fall in love, which is totally different from loving someone. I want to learn my own culture's language fluently enough to take care of myself in China. I want to publish my personal writing. I used to be painfully shy. I used to hate running and care less about fashion. I used to care so much about what others thought of me. I want other people to know that they're not the only ones struggling every day to discover their identity. 
        I want to live a life that if I died any moment, I would be okay, because I knew I lived as much as I could. College apps are soon approaching, and I want to write essays that I'm proud of. I want to be accepted by a school that is the best fit for me, not necessarily one with a big name. I want to study something I'm passionate about. I want to find a career that I can be excited to do each day. 
       And as much as I joke about becoming a cat lady, maybe I want to get married. There are so many things that I promised myself I would never do, but now I love doing them. I promised myself that I wouldn't like roller coasters; I now love the thrill of flying at high speeds through crazy loops and over intimidating hills.  I said I would never run the two-mile; it's now my main event and favorite race in track. I told myself I would never audition for my city's youth orchestra; I just got a packet in the mail saying I was accepted. But seriously. What girl doesn't want her own little fairytale? I'm not saying it's perfect; no, of course it never is. But what girl doesn't want a guy who can make her laugh? Who can make her feel better when she's feeling down? Who will listen to her deepest thoughts? Who will put up with her little quirks? Who will be her best friend? 
      I heard a line once that said "Love is friendship on fire" and I've always strongly resonated with that. The cutest couples are those who are best friends. That, I believe is the difference between love and infatuation—genuine, strong bonds make all the difference.
      Seventeen years is a long time. But for most, that's just a beginning. I've been uprooted from my familiar childhood home and plopped down ungracefully into a neighborhood just a zip code away. The art of brushing oneself off after a plummet is mastered through extensive experience, and I had absolutely none then. But I made new friends—one of which became my very best friend for the next six years and I hope for much longer. I've gone from struggling to run a lap to being a varsity cross country runner. I've shed my taste for sweats to become a fashion enthusiast. I've experienced true passion when I played the violin at regional orchestra. I've learned much about life, but there is always much, much more.
        I not only want to live; I'm going to live.

        I put a lot of text out there today. I hope it makes you think a little, makes you want more out of your life too. A huge part of life is discovering your identity--something that many of us pursue with great effort, but few ever reach. It's one of those cases where the journey is more important than the final destination.
       I suppose I should explain my outfit a little haha. It's a look that I feel belongs in the city, and as Sara Bareille's new CD is coming out soon, I named this post after one of her soon-to-be-released songs. I've noticed that my looks have been trendier than usual, but experimenting with all sorts of looks is how we discover what we like best. We're young. We're still trying to figure out who we are. And that's the beauty of it, because we can be whoever we want.
    I actually wrote a few personal philosophy papers a few months back for AP Lang, and one of them covers this relentless search for identity. I was super excited when I checked my email yesterday because I found out that all three of my essays were published on thisibelieve.org! If you're in to this sort of deep stuff and want to read more of my ramblings, I'd love it if you'd check them out.

This one's about identity here: http://thisibelieve.org/essay/135956/

This one's about kind strangers here: http://thisibelieve.org/essay/135957/

And this one's about one of my quirks here: http://thisibelieve.org/essay/135958/

Have a beautiful day, lovelies. And if you made it through my entire post, thank you. It's always nice to know someone is listening.

Join the conversation!

  1. So cute look! Kisses.

  2. Love all the lace detail on your outfit! The skirt is gorgeous as well! I really appreciate your kind compliment about my ombre denim shorts post lol.

  3. Love all the lace detail on your outfit! The skirt is gorgeous as well! I really appreciate your kind compliment about my ombre denim shorts post lol.

  4. you look adorable! your necklace is amazing :)
    thank you so much for your nice comment! nice to hear from you <3

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  5. You look beautiful, this skirt is so cute! x


  6. Discovering your identity is a lot easier when you're not with people, and I think that's why os many people find theirs in college--you start on a new plate with less people and really get to weight yourself with yourself instead of having groups of other people influence you.

    You'll maintain some of your connections, I'm sure, even if it's just a close few. I only have about 3 or 4 friends in college, but that's all I need because they're amazing and I can talk to them about anything. :)

    Your outfit is adorable here, Lily! Especially your cute collar necklace. n_n I'm glad to see you posting again yup yup. Sounds like you've been buuuuuuuusy!

  7. You look so pretty in this outfit! Love the lace and the collar.

    xo, Yi-chia
    Always Maylee

  8. I read it all :) I've felt unsettled and restless recently too. Reading yours and Linda's (trendy teal) posts today helped me feel less alone! I want to explore, create, imagine, LIVE. I think you write beautifully, it's no wonder you got published! Congrats on that! Also, I had no idea you were SO young! You're my baby sister's age :)
    Oh, and your outfit is darling! I love the skater skirt and that collar necklace!

  9. Cute skirt and cute ballet flats. Great literature by you in this post, and I wish you the best of luck in all of your endeavors. You are a strong and strong-willed person capable of almost anything you set your mind and heart to. Don't stop- keep going strong!



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