It was a dreary day for photos, but stubborn-headed ol' me was determined to catch up on outfit posts. I often wear ensembles in real life but don't have the time to shoot them during the school week; before I know it, I have a massive list of outfits I want to shoot. Please excuse my bed-raggled hair--I trekked all over the neighborhood with my brother before we finally settled on our sidewalk to shoot; by that point we had weathered some nasty wind and relentless rain.

I've gotten into the collared top trend lately, and there's no stopping me now! I was most excited, however, to pull out this gorgeous statement necklace from Sparkles and Prays that I won in a giveaway. When I received it in the mail, I was delighted, but I had no idea how to style it since I had nothing to match. Luckily, a trip to mom's closet did the trick. Born Pretty also sent me this lovely watch to review, and they're offering you 10% off with the code LILYFC10. Happy shopping (:

Sigh. If only winter break and no more exams actually meant relaxing. It's been a tumultuous week, and the storm has yet to pass. I still have mountains of things to do, but also mountains of tenacity. Leggo!

My usual musings have been rather elusive lately, so I'll leave you with this poem I wrote about running a couple years ago. I signed up for my first official half marathon today, so I think it's fitting.

Running

Just a few things I've been pondering these past few days as I wait in agony for college decisions. It's exciting to be greeted by green check marks as I submit my final applications. Now, on to scholarships! (Speaking of scholarships...many scholarship deadlines didn't let me apply in the order of how much I liked each school, which is rather upsetting). I'll have to be vague about college details until I make my final decision on May 1st; I don't want any of my colleges to be offended they decide to take a peep at my blog and see that I've talked about some colleges more than others. While I will inevitably have favorites, I believe that I could be happy at all the schools I've applied to.

But back to all that long white beard philosophy stuff. I've been struggling with this lately--the fine line between being pessimistic and realistic. It's extremely similar to the one between being optimistic and delusional. I'd like to be positive and think that I'll be accepted to very selective schools, but some of my earlier applications weren't nearly as polished as I would've liked them to be. As you go through the application process, you gain experience, discover new things, and streamline/reorganize details. There are so many uncertanties to this process now.

But I guess that's what dreams are for--they're not dreams at all if they're certain to happen! It's definitely being negative if you go into chasing a goal with the attitude that you'll fall short. Thinking that way lets you be lazy. It allows you to be more emotionally detached. But if you're emotionally detached, you don't try as hard. It's a toxic sort of safety--if you fall short it's no big deal since you didn't try. But you'll never get anywhere that way!

It's a certain type of vulnerability to immerse yourself in your ambitions, to throw it all on the line, even if you may fail. To acknowledge that you tried your hardest, even if you do fall short. It's tough to let go of your pride. It's tough to be vulnerable. It's tough to leave the comforts of safety for uncertain opportunity. But it's so worth it in the end.

I'm most worried about disappointing my family--there's that whole Chinese bringing honor to your family thing. I hate letting people down. But this college search shouldn't be about prestige--while it matters in the real world, searching for a school should really be about best fit, about finding a place where you'll grow and thrive. It's a two way deal--both the applicant and the school are looking for a best fit. I've done everything I can, and now, it's all out of my hands. I think this quote says it nicely: What lies behind us and what lies before us are small matters compared to what lies within us (Ralph Waldo Emerson). I'll be okay, no matter what happens.